Life Through A Bottle. [open] -- KEEP

[Nessarose Allens]

This is my first week sober since i can remember. Since i was about sixteen. Even younger, maybe. I don't know. It's hard, it hurts. I don't think i've ever felt weaker in my life, i shake and i vomit. Can it still be said that i feel better than before? Yes. I think it can. Despite everything i feel better. Physically, anyway. And that's a start. This note is for nobody, goodbye.

As soon as it was completed, the girl stood from the seat she had comandeered in the coffee shop and scrunched the note into a ball. Walking to the nearest bin, she tossed it inside, it was over, she didn't even know why she wrote that note to begin with. Who was she writing to? Who cared enough to read it with a critical eye. Ah, that was the answer she both yearned for and feared, nobody. That was ok, she did not mind lonliness, it certainly had its perks but often she could not decide if the perks matched up to the cons, sometimes it seemed to drag at her. Again, she could deal with it, she'd suffered through worse. Life could hardly become a bigger struggle.

Settling back in her seat she sipped at the tasteless coffee, it was bland, with no sugar to sweeten the taste. Normally she did not even drink coffee, she had no idea why she was starting now. The taste was not entirely unpleasant and it could even be considered appetizing, if one liked the taste. The real reason that she came here today was for the warmth and for the smell of the coffee, both things calmed her, it had become a habit for her this week. Since she'd decided to try and quit, to break the habit, it wasn't easy and she knew that she would probably fail and resort to her old habits. At least she could say that she tried, which was more than what could be said for others.

Nessa had not been home since the night she'd seen Kaleb. Over and over she had tried to convince herself it had been a horrible nightmare but that didn't explain everything, couldn't explain everything. She slept wherever she could find these days, sometimes at the headquarters, sometimes in public libraries and sometimes on the street. It wasn't as if she was homeless, she still carried her laptop with her, stealing the money she needed to live and get food. It was a protective mechanism. In a way it made sense to her; she had been found in a home that nobody knew anything about, so in order to remain incognito she would not have a home. To her disordered mind it made enough sense for her to continue.

Stirring the coffee pointlessly with the silver teaspoon she wondered at the futility of her life, she wondered at the fact that she had not yet killed herself. She had her family murdered, she'd been kidnapped, homeless, raped, been a junkie, killed. How had all that not impacted her to the extent that she would kill herself? Perhaps it was because she was apathetic about what happened to her - certainly it would seem that she did not care. But it was, nevertheless, something to wonder about. In more than a week she had severed contact with everyone she'd ever spoken to, she'd run - metaphorically - from everything and settled into an entirely new routine. Of course, she still sent in information on wolves for Atrum, but she never actually went to the headquarters. Being trapped with only her head for company was slowly turning her more crazy than she already was.

A sigh escaped her throat, followed by a laugh that was not all contempt. She drained the last of the coffee, repressing her epression of disgust as she signalled towards the waiter. "I'll have another, maybe with sugar this time." Oh yeah, it was time for some changes. Not just in her coffee schedule.

[Morrison Whelan]

(( You know Morry has to bother her. ^_^ ))


24 pounds was not a healthy amount of weight to drop in 2 1/2 weeks. It wasn't so much that Morrison was too depressed to eat he just simply forgot to. These days, he had only the smallest appetite for anyhing that wasn't fresh meat, which he found odd from time to time. Though it perhaps was not as odd as he believed. The more animal side of him came out rather often now; not in violent or harmful ways per say, it was merely that his senses heightened and he lost track of his thoughts. Sometimes he would lash out at people, yet it would all be in play, he wasn't ever really going to attack, at least not in the populate areas he usually strolled about.

It was only ever bad when he had become distraught and the wolf was like some sort of defense mechanism to keep from feeling grief or humane anger. This was starting to happen nearly daily and so he had turned to Iivan's stash to calm himself down. He stayed away from any heavy drugs and generally stuck to a joint or two. Most of the time he didn't get himself past buzzed; he just needed to calm down enough to not want to cry or rip someone's head off. Most of the time he only got slightly high, to the point where he could smile without it turning into a grimace. But yesterday had been Meadhbh's memorial service and he had held in his emotions with everything he had. Then once he was home, instead of turning to his whiskey, as was characterisic of him, he'd smoked until nothing mattered and spent the rest of the day staring at his television which was only static as he hadn't bothered to switch to the satelite input.

Today was a bit different. Morrison felt... drained. But something wasn't quite right with that. The past few days he'd been holding in everything as to try to be normal and functional so that he could get back to work. Even as unhealthy as that had been, it had done the job. Yet he had expected to be screaming and hateful toward the world before long, like he had been the week earlier. This nothingness though, it was almost alright, almost safe. As an assurance that his emotions wouldn't come and ruin this feeling he'd had one joint, just one, and so at that moment he was the tiniest bit high. He was sure that Meadhbh wouldn't appreciate how he was handling his grief but he didn't care, at least not now. Eventually it would all catch up to him and he'd be curled up on the ground sobbing his eyes out, however, that was a ways off.

That morning Morrison had visited Iivan, who had gone into surgery just the night before. The other wolf had not been terribly responsive, being rather drugged up on pain relievers and sedatives, but he was already starting to look near to normal. Even if his nose was covered up by bandages, at least there wasn't that dent in them that had been created by the lack of a nose. Within a week, the wrappings would come off and he would be able to go back to the apartment. He wouldn't want to be out in the city for too long, as he'd still be a bit scarred up on his face, but those should be gone a few days after and he'd be able to make his normal 'rounds', tying up any loose ends that Morrison had left while out doing his job for him. Yet however well the man seemed to doing, the fact that Morrison hadn't been able to actually speak to him was taking a toll on him mentally, seeing as he was his best friend. Talking with Jeena was fine and she updated him all the time about how Iivan was, including even the smallest change his condition, in case Morrison thought that something was wrong with him that had to do with his lycanthropy. And yet, he barely knew the human, compared to how long he'd known the other wolf and so she couldn't comfort him well whenever he became upset. Iivan could do little in that situation and it wasn't completely clear if he understood what had become of Meadhbh. Since he'd been told of her death, he'd been very despondent, though no one could be sure if that was because of depression or because of the cocktail of drugs being constantly pumped through his viens. Once he was out of the clinic, it would much easier to tell what he was feeling, but until then the most anyone could do was be kind to him.

At home, the man had just watched television for a while, then he'd cleaned up the apartment as was his habit. Later that afternoon, Morrison smoked a bit, to calm down, before heading out of his home to walk around the city for a bit, feeling it was time for a change of scenery. He had worn his jacket, despite the fact that it was perfectly comfortable outside, so that he could easily carry his pistol with him. Keeping the gun on him at all times was no longer to protect himself, as he wasn't planning on bumping into any Izan employees again any time soon, it was just a familiar weight to him now and so to go without the weapon would make him feel bare. It actually wasn't even loaded, so it would only work as a club if he needed to defend himself.     

Violence was far beyond him in his current state; he was purely relaxed. Which was rather lucky for him as he noted a current scent moving along across the street from him. Upon turning his head, he recieved a slight shock to recognize Nessa. Since their encounter at Windsor, he'd been feeling a bit peeved toward her. It would have understandable if Morrison absolutely despised the woman, now clued in on the subversive sort of work she was doing, but her mental condition forced him to pity her and he suspected that the reason she was so opposed to the werewolves was because of some incident in her past. Perhaps a family member had been killed and you couldn't blame someone being prejudice over a group of people for that. The wolf hated vampires for the same reason. 

Although he didn't nessacarily want to speak with the human, he was curious as to how she was coping and if she was at all sober now. It would ironic to find her clean when he himself had now turned to drugs, but at the same time it would gladden him to find her with a clear head. So that the wolf could keep an eye on her from a distance, he crossed the street tens of feet from where she was and walked behind her, though he didn't move any closer, not wanting to look at all threatening. Even when she entered a coffe shop, the man stayed away, letting Nessa have her space, and he just watched her through the glass front windows, standing a ways down the street with his hands in his pockets. The woman was drinking coffee, very willingly, did that mean that she was clean, seeing as part of her appetite must be back? He hoped so.          

[Nessarose Allens]

(Oh the tables have turned Mr. Drug-Addict Whelen. hehe)

Sugar did not help. This did not cause a reaction of any sort in her, it was rare that sweetners helped her, they were not the sort of thing she was into and really, what effect would they have on a person like Nessa? Her eyes closed for the briefest of moments and she drank the coffee, grimacing as she did so, the liquid scalding her throat with its horrible taste. She could not believe how people could become addicted to this stuff, sure they had their caffine fix, but she could not get past the taste. It seemed that maybe she was going to have to find something else to be her vice. Something to distract her in the midst of her cravings. It wouldn't be easy, but she was sure that she would find something, sometime.

An uneasy feeling crept over her and she raised her head immediately, setting the cup on the table as it had been poised for her to take a sip. Nes had no sixth sense; she had no way of knowing if somebody was around her, but she had a peculiar sort of intuition that came from being on the run all her life. She didn't know that somebody was watching her, she just knew. It couldn't be explained. Her eyes narrowed and she surveyed the coffee shop with deliberate intensity, the patrons were wrapped up in their own world, none paid attention to the slightly disheveled girl in the background. It was as she had hoped. But still, it was time to move.

Nes slipped money under the cup and stood up to make a hasty exit from the coffee shop. As soon as she was on the street the feeling heightened and she ducked right, craming her hands into her pocket as she moved away from the shop. Her body tensed as she finally stopped and turned around. The movement was sudden and hopefully unpredicatble. She caught the sense of someone else being caught off-guard via a hasty pause and her eyes locked on to them. Who it was however, was unexpected.

To be honest, she should have seen this coming. After the big parade that Llew threw getting her from Windsor - from what she remembered of that night - it seemed that her cover had been blown. Did he know she worked for them? Or did he just assume that she worked for some 'Human Supremacy' cult? Regardless of what his ideas were; she would have no doubt that he wanted to kill her now ... moreso than he usually did. Was running an option? No, the idea was dismissed before she even truly considered it. Past experience taught her that Morrison would catch her if she ran, if he was hell bent on catching her.

Slowly she walked towards him, though as she got closer she noticed something different about him. It was almost vacant. How was Ivian? The thought crossed her mind immediately, which was unusual. Had Ivian known about her affiliations? Was that why he'd been awkward with her that time? Fuck, this would be one strange conversation. "Stalking me now, Morrison?"

[Morrison Whelan]

(( Oh ho ho, yes. ;D Nes will have fun berating him… ))

Morrison had been watching Nes very calmly, falling into an almost zen-like state for a moment, before he had noted the restlessness that had moved into her body. At his usual alertness level, he would have been confused by this, yet then he only thought it mildly strange and could easily shrug it off as her being normal ‘ole Nessa, crazy Nessa. A tiny smile lit his lips then soon faded, his face going a bit blank. I should get back home. He entertained the idea only for a few seconds then rejected it. The wolf wanted to speak with Nes, even if it was only light conversation, just to see how she was doing. As she now made her rather speedy way out of the coffee shop, the man merely stared after her, leaning casually against a building with one foot resting on the other.

Out of the shop, she turned away from Morrison, and he expected her to continue on the way, but then she suddenly spun toward him, catching him a bit unawares. His supporting foot had started to lift before the other so that he nearly tripped himself; he was only able to keep upright because he had been resting against a wall and reached out with his hand to stop from slipping away from it. For a more steady footing, the wolf took a stance with two feet panted on the concrete instead of one, even though he was swaying a bit.

Cautiously it seemed, the woman moved toward him. Morrison stayed in place, watching her with the faintest smirk on his lips. Usually, the sight of her sent him into a bit of a rage, and it would now especially so because he knew of her work against wolves. At the moment though, he was happy to see her. From this closer distance, he had the sense that she was free of drugs and that she would stay that way for a while. They could speak like normal, civilized people, and not try to kill one another. The worst that the wolf could imagine happening was that he would kiss her again, despite his relationship will Anna, whatever that was exactly.

"Stalking me now, Morrison?"

Even if those words had been heavily tainted with the usual Nessa sarcasm, the man knew he could have handled it; it would have been in a good natured way, or so he believed. “I do live a few blocks down the street,” he smiled widely, carefully looking the human up and down. Tousled. That was the best way to describe her. He couldn’t pinpoint what was different about her from the last time he’d seen her, besides the drugs of course, it was in the way that she was unkempt. Perhaps if he hadn’t been high, however slight that was, he would have realized what was so unfamiliar about her, but he couldn’t get it and he really didn’t care. He just hoped that she would notice that wasn’t completely sober, as he expected a bit of shit from her. Morrison would have to try to keep his head on, though his mind wandered from time to time.

With a bit of a sigh, the wolf stepped closer to Nes to smell her better. Yes, she was clean; there wasn’t a hint of a drug on her, only the scents of coffee, sweat, dirt… Normal human smells really. He moved back again, smiling more sincerely this time, and lifted a hand behind his head to scratch at the back of his skull. “So, how are you doing?” Honestly, he was very interested to know how she was, as if she hadn’t clued into that already. He had locked her in his apartment to keep her safe… “You look like you’re feeling much better since I last saw you.” No, really? He thought. Of course she was feeling better, there wasn’t any insanity running about her now, well, none that he could detect.

[Nessarose Allens]

(She definately will! Hehe.)


There was a slight pause inbetween the moment she spoke and when he replied. There was tension she could taste in the air and yet it was different that what she had expected. Muted somehow. At his words she could not help but feel a smirk play upon her lips and she pushed her hair behind her ears; taking it from her eyes. "As i was in no sane state when i was at your house, i couldn't really know that." The sarcasm in her voice was obvious now, her tone was dry but not unpleasant. She shrugged slightly, indifferent. Those were not events she liked to think of, things had turned from bad to worse so quickly, it hadn't even been that long ago.

Just as he was noticing something different about her, she was noticing things that were different about him. The large smile on his lips, the vacancy in his expression and the way he had stumbled when she'd turned around. Her eyes narrowed carefully as she watched him, especially his eyes. The pupils were dialated; which pointed either to some odd reaction to light, alchohol or drugs. The signs of alcohol were not present, he was not loud and obnoxious, not violent as she'd seen him before. It was the slight red-ness around the iris that pinpointed it for her. He was ... high. Or at least, that was what she suspected. There was no point trying to hide drugs from an addict, they could place it from the smallest of signs.

Since he last saw her? Momentarily she closed her eyes, there was no anger in his tone and yet she still suspected it would be coming. She was, after all, the enemy. Although she'd been an idiot 'befriending' a werewolf after everything that had happened to her. Kaleb's appearance had just reinforced how stupid she had been, how careless. Morrison was not angry, yet, merely curious. "I am doing better, for the moment. But who knows, demons don't disappear forever." Ah, how lightly she could discuss the demons of her past, demons that he never believed existed.

A small smile played upon her lips as she watched him carefully. "You seem different. More carefree... Euphoric even." The hints were hard to hide, even in his state he would recognise it. The ironic smile played upon her lips, from someone who had hated her and her ways so much, his hipocrisy was almost enticing. She tilted her head to the side, wondering what he'd taken and how much, she also wondered what sort of effect it was having on his system. A wolf had the lucky advantage of having a high metabolism, so whatever he was using would be out of his system quickly, but the effects could still be interesting. "How long?" There was no need to even explain what it was she was talking about, it would be more than obvious.

[Morrison Whelan]

(( =o Fear the wrath a Nessarose! ))

Something in the way Nes was acting around Morrison bothered him. She wasn’t relaxed, not even slightly, and she a bit away from him, as if there was a need for her to keep her distance to be safe. Obviously, she would know that he was aware of her being the ‘enemy’, in a very professional way, so it was wise of her to suspect the wolf to lash out at her for being some sort of ‘traitor’, seeing as they had developed a kind of friendship, even though Morrison had forced it in a way. Still, it was clear by the man’s stance and expression that he was no nearer to drawing a gun on her than he was to breaking out in song. He also should have been peeved by this, but his head was in the clouds, he wouldn’t have cared if she screamed at him.

"I am doing better, for the moment. But who knows, demons don't disappear forever."

The wolf nodded softly at this, shuffling his feet a bit; just as he had suspected. No, the demons didn’t disappear forever, but they seemed to be gone when she was sober, so if she could just stay clean for a while, Nessa wouldn’t have to deal with those haunts in her mind. That would be a relief for her, to be sure, though he had a feeling that once awful memories started to creep back to the surface, they would be stronger and more virulent. She needed to confront her past, badly, because despite time, wounds hadn’t even begun to mend. He would have to remember to have that conversation with her later, when he wasn’t… incapacitated.

Now the two had lapsed into quietness, both watching each other, yet it seemed that Nes watched him closer, studying him, figuring something…

"You seem different. More carefree... Euphoric even."

Carefree, a bit. Euphoric, he wished. Wait… Could she tell? Surely it wasn’t that noticeable, but her next words told him, that yes, it was noticeable indeed, despite his trying to seem normal. You’ll never be normal, buddy, he thought absently.

"How long?"

Morrison dropped his eyes to the ground. He knew perfectly well what she meant; she knew the signs, might even be able to smell a bit on him. And it didn’t really surprise him; trying to hide drugs from an addict was like trying to hide a treat behind your back from an excited dog. It had been stupid of him to talk to her then, as he could have ignored her and been on his way, avoiding the eventual telling off Nes would give him. That made him feel like a child; Nessa was the mother scolding her son for breaking a vase, even though she had already smashed every lamp in the house. It just didn’t seem fair. However, the wolf could take it for now, being high enough that he wasn’t feeling any violent tendencies.

“Four days,” he replied, “last time was… 15 minutes ago.” It was a guess, but it was close enough. The man glanced up, expecting to see some sort of disapproving frown playing around her lips. “I’m- I’m only trying to get back to work,” he sighed, shaking his head a bit to try and clean out his muddled brain. “I just need- need something to keep me calm so I don’t-” A pause. “So I don’t rip someone’s throat out.”

It was considerably odd how the pot was affecting him. He’d thought it would do something comparable to nitrous oxide and let him relax, give him a ‘no worries’ feeling. Instead, he was distant from the world and lost in his own head. At leas this high was much better than the one he’d received from heroine. He instinctively rubbed the inside of his left elbow, where a still healing needle track was visible and so he was glad that he was wearing his jacket. It was a reminder though of that night he’d tried it, which had ended in him curled up in the corner of his room, fearing that if he moved, his hallucinations would get worse. ¬¬

His eyes lifted from the ground for good and he watched Nessa, not sure as to what else to say. Her expression confused him; it was amused in a very cynical way and yet some part of it was concerned, or at least that’s what he saw, as he couldn’t ever be a hundred percent sure what was going on the woman’s head. Part of Morrison wanted to flinch away from her, expecting to be yelled at, but the drugs left him with a very steady composure, despite everything that whirled in his head. Christ, he felt odd.

[Nessarose Allens]

His words and the newfound apprehension upon his face made a grin slowly appear upon her lips; it wasn't dangerous like her smoldering anger had been, yet there was an emotion hidden behind the smirk. Openly, her expression betrayed only a blank sort of victory, seeing him in this state (even though she should truly be worried about what Meadhbh's death was leading him to do) gave her a vindictive, triumphant feeling. Knowing she was not the only one trapped inside her own head, not the only one captured inside her own emotions. It made one feel less alone, yet she could also feel some of her power return, the control she lacked returned by seeing him in a state of lesser control. Nes really was fucked up, especially in the way she thought. But, this was not about her, this was about him.

He knew that she knew. She wondered what he would do now, his head wasn't functioning properly at the moment; preventing him from feeling strong emotions, which was probably why her limbs were currently still attatched to her body. Was he nervous? Her gaze upon him had turned hawk-like, catching his movements and his gestures to find some hints to what he was feeling. She was not feeling scared of him, there was little he could do to her in his current state, the first times were always the hardest, once you got your head around it, it was easy to deal with. Then, you could feel dangerous in your high, others would be right to be afraid. Of course, you could always go to far, push yourself over the edge ... just like she had done.

When he spoke, she caught the defensive note in his voice. Like a child who had been caught out, yet still felt the hipocrisy of the situation. A small grin played upon her lips and she tilted her head to the side, briefly, watching. However, concern edged against her, the conscience she was unwilling to admit existed; their quasi-friendship had some effect on her, forcing her concern to rise so it became evident in her eyes. The one part of her mask she could never control. "Ivian i imagine? Does he know? Or are you stealing from him?" The oddity of the concern and triumph weighed heavily in her words, though not strained they seemed confused.

"You feel numb, don't you. Detatched. It'll pass, with a few more hits." The feelings changed once you became accustomed to your minds altered state. Nes stepped a small step closer to him, no longer fearing to close the difference. It was a turn of events, now that she knew what was going on in his head better than he did. It made her feel powerful, it was almost as if she had a new strength he couldn't overpower her with, yes ... one could grow accustomed to such power. "Do you know how much of a hypocrit you look at the moment? Four days? Why do you think it will help? You who was so against any form of drug. Alcohol excepted." Her words were firm, snide and yet were still tainted with concern. She allowed him time to mull over an answer, his mind would be working slower today. Almost like he was wading through dense water, getting somewhere, but not very quickly. "Come, follow me." Nes turned, angling toward a side street as she slipped through the crowd, she just assumed he'd follow. As he'd once done with her.

[Morrison Whelan]

"Iivan I imagine? Does he know? Or are you stealing from him?"

A hot flash ran up the length of Morrison’s spine at this, causing him to stand a little straighter, and he moved his eyes from Nes’ face to just over her shoulder, at once not wanting to see her grin or to feel guilty with the way that she stared at him. Iivan had no idea he was taking from his stash, though he imagined that if he knew that he was he would say something along the lines of “About time!” before being incredibly confused with him. Eventually, the wolf expected that he’d want them to take a hit together, as some weird bonding experience, since never in their 100 some years together had Morry even considered drugs. Yet now, here he was, going behind his best friend/ drug dealer’s back to steal his stash. It was a bit pathetic, he had to admit.

"You feel numb, don't you. Detached. It'll pass, with a few more hits."

The woman’s insight into his condition replaced that hot feeling in his back with a chill, as it made him feel vulnerable. She wasn’t supposed to know what was going on inside his head, just as he had no idea what was happening in her own, but here she was, picking at the one thing in his mind that was making him the most uncomfortable. At least he was still able to think freely; it would be impossible to anticipate the thoughts of someone who was high, wasn’t it? He just hoped that nothing telling was on his face, as all he could sense was a rather hollow expression that didn’t merely stem from the sunken in and gaunt look of his features. And yet, Morrison didn’t want to get used to it, that was not the point. It was something he was using to sedate his emotions, but still be functional and taking any more hits would not help that. This wasn’t supposed to be a long term thing, just a short fix so that he could sort out social obligations before any emotional trauma.

"Do you know how much of a hypocrite you look at the moment? Four days? Why do you think it will help? You who was so against any form of drug. Alcohol excepted."

Of course he knew that he was a hypocrite, that was clearly written in his every movement, the man didn’t need this girl to be pointing it out for him. And four days was not long, especially when he put it next to Nessa’s years’ long usage, as he was just experimenting, trying to figure out what besides alcohol could make him forget and not cause him to spiral into some rage. It was helping a bit, yet not in the way he wanted, not at all, but at least he wasn’t seriously trying anything stronger than marijuana, which was even legal in many other parts of the world, so what was the big deal. After a good 30 seconds thinking over the woman’s questions, he only shook his head softly, sighing and glancing down, though he didn’t answer with words. The wolf needed to stop justifying his decisions to himself when there was really such little defense that he was just lying to himself. He was sure that eventually, it would all come back and slap him in the face, so it would be easier to fess up to his mistakes in the moment. And still, his mouth remained closed.

"Come, follow me."

Frowning softly, but not protesting in any way, Morrison slowly followed after, slightly curious though still a bit reluctantly. It was not difficult to notice how fast their role’s had changed. Once, it had been him giving all the orders and scolding Nes in his way, and it was she who was in control. Oddly enough, it all had to circle around the drugs. Oh, how he wished he could be sober again right then, so he could so easily turn Nessa down and go home or whatever else he liked, instead of walking through a crowd and keeping track of some human, who was definitely not going to turn out as dinner.

[Nessarose Allens]

Her gait was comfortable and confident, she did not look sideways as she spoke and she did not glance behind her to make sure that Morrison was following her, she could vaguely hear his footsteps behind her. Although, she had no true way to know that they belonged to him unless she looked behind, she just had to trust that they were. Nes did not look at the coffee shops that she passed, she avoided the people who were walking past her without ever touching a single one. There was possibly nobody who was so aware of their personal space like Nes was, she knew where each part of her was at any given moment, she knew how to edge herself through a busy crowd without ever touching people. Her fear of contact, plus the irrationality that came from her severe drug use made her incredibly cautious. Seen and yet unseen, almost like a ghost.

As she walked she allowed her mind to wander over many things. Morrison had always seemed so ... in control, of himself. Sure he drank, sure he allowed his anger to get the better of him, but that was natural that was who he was and he controlled that quite easily. This new Morrison, the one that tried drugs and seemed too docile for his own good was not one that she could feel quite comfortable around. Nes has suspected that their next meeting would be tense, given that they were now technically 'enemies', but she had not expected this, Morrison without the anger seemed vulnerable and tame. An odd selection of words but it fitted nevertheless, her concern bound her to help him, even though the tired smirk on her lips seemed to suggest otherwise.

Slowly she turned down a small alley, they'd walked far enough that there were very few people on the street now. Here she did halt momentarily, looking over her shoulder to make sure that Morrison was behind her; he was. She gestured with her hand, never considering for a moment that 'new Morrison' would find something suspicous about following her down an alleyway. She reached the end, just above her was a rusted metal staircase, however it wasn't touching the ground, Nes jumped slightly to make up for her lack of height and reached onto one of the steps of the pull down ladder. Her weight caused the ladder to screech and slowly it rolled down on its unused hinges. For a moment she looked at Morrison, her eyes dared him to follow her up there, very few people knew this place existed and if they did, very few used it to the extent she was. He'd never know, but it said alot for their 'friendship' that she was taking him to her getaway.

"Not too far now." She smiled and then began to climb the ladder, the ascent became easier once the ladder ended and the stairs began. Eventually they came to the rooftop, the building was one of the tallest in the vicinity, giving them a view of the world around them, it was quite a magnificent view once you had a good look. Nes walked to the edge of the roof and leaned out over the edge, just watching. She didn't turn back to face Morrison when she began to speak. "When the drugs don't work, i sometimes come here to clear my head. It usually works, when you're up here everything seems a little clearer." She spoke as if in a daze, there was a small smile upon her lips and she chuckled slightly, shaking her head as she did so. Finally she turned around to face him, watching him carefully as she did so. "I guess it works when you're not on drugs to. But it may help you, since i can tell that whatever your on isn't working the way you wanted." The smirk returned, she couldn't help but add the half-snide comment at the end, to cover up the kindness. A part of her was reluctant to allow him to see where she spent most her time, but maybe she would be lucky and he wouldn't remember how to get here. Unlikely, since very few people would be able to forget this view.

[Morrison Whelan]

While it was not a normal feeling to be following Nes, at least the surroundings were familiar and Morrison glanced around him so that he would remember where they had gone. Yet, this caused him to be a bit careless in the way he walked, so that unlike the woman, he bumped into some stranger every few seconds. It didn’t bother him at all when this would pull an annoyed few words from those around him, and so it was very unlikely that he would respond with an apology, though when he did, it was very quiet and mumbled, being distracted by looking around.

Part of him wanted to be able to think straight again, so that he could easily deal with Nessa, who was oddly not incredibly different in personality being clean, though that could just be because he hadn’t noticed anything in his altered state. Perhaps when he was sober, he would see something in her that would satisfy his need to see her… more functional. The only thing that he had noticed of her so far was the concern. He was glad to be her friend, and not a true enemy without any conscious, because the two balanced each other’s problems out. One always seemed to be there when the other needed help and was very capable of giving such aide. That was a rare relationship for Morrison and besides Nes, the only other person who would provide such assistance was Iivan, but he was currently bed ridden. It would be appropriate to thank her in words some day…

Now as they headed into the outskirts of the city, the wolf found himself growing a bit anxious. Sure, he’d been down here quite a few times, but he had an uncertainty as to whether he would like where they ended up. It was so dingy down here; he couldn’t imagine finding anything good. Though his worries were abated a bit when the human turned to look back at him and he saw that her features were comfortable. Was this place familiar to Nes? Her movements told them, that yes, it was, very familiar in fact, especially when she led him down an alleyway and pulled down the ladder of a fire escape with relative ease, despite it being over her head. Once again, she looked back to him, and he just stared back, apprehension in his gaze. "Not too far now." That note in his stare didn’t quite leave once the woman had started climbing the ladder. Sighing softly, he followed after, hoping they wouldn’t end up in some depressing, abandoned apartment where she would force him to take more drugs.

The man soon realized that his worries were far from justified and gladly stepped onto the roof after her, moving to the edge as she did, though his eyes remained locked on her. "When the drugs don't work, I sometimes come here to clear my head. It usually works, when you're up here everything seems a little clearer." The smile that accompanied the words was content, it fell very kindly on Nes’ lips, Morrison liked that look on her, she looked no less capable of being independent, but she did look more open, sweeter. "I guess it works when you're not on drugs to. But it may help you, since I can tell that whatever you’re on isn't working the way you wanted." At that, the wolf turned his head with a soft grunt of ascent to stare out at the scenery, though he really didn’t take it in, he just hadn’t wanted to see that cynicism back in her face.

In the moments of silence after that, Morrison started to appreciate the view that they had from this vantage point. Despite the grey and brown tones of all the buildings, they didn’t feel sterile from up here, instead, they seemed humble, especially with the clouds overhead, drifting peacefully along and blocking out the sun’s rays every now and again. A distracted half smile had crept onto the wolf’s face as he searched for familiar landmarks. Nothing really jumped out at him as being somewhere he knew, as from up here, all the buildings looked generally the same, though he did fancy that he could make out a black spot in one of the windows of a building in the distance, which would mostly likely be his and Iivan’s apartment, as he hadn’t gotten the window fixed yet. He made a mental note to get that replaced before the other wolf got home.

[Nessarose Allens]

As she stared out over the sea of buildings she allowed her mind to wander, finding the peace that this place always seemed to bring to her. Her temper had always been held on a short fuse and she frequently lost control of her anger, but it had been different then, it hadn't manifested to quite the extent that it had these days. Back then, she was still able to feel the lighter emotions like love and real euphoria, back then she was able to feel happiness without the aid of drugs. Alot had changed since then, she refused herself the lighter side of life, acknowledging only the pain that came with it. Nes did not wear her heart on her sleeve rather, she locked in behind many many walls. It protected her, she preferred it that way. Didn't she?

Her thoughts continued like that and the vacant - yet genuine - smile played upon her lips. She ran her hand through her hair, once again pushing it back behind her ears. Nes glanced toward where Morrison stood watching the view she had given him. A twinge of her felt sad that she had now shown him this spot; but the fact was that at this point in time he needed it. Morrison was the 'wise' one in this friendship, he didn't do drugs, he wasn't a docile creature, and he did not steal of his best friend and roomate. This was not right for Morrison and so he needed to re-find himself. Sometimes when you took a step back, everything seemed to get a little clearer.

A small sigh escaped her as she slowly turned away from Morrison again, she turned and walked to the center of the roof, looking around her to survey each direction. It was beautiful, but this was not a beauty dependent on natural elements, but a beauty that relied on man-made structures. It was different up here though, it always was. "As long as you don't show anyone, feel free to use this spot, if you want." Her voice was similar to a shrug, careless and yet stern at the same time. If he showed others where her hideout was then it would ruin the serenity. Besides, she'd slept up here a bit lately and didn't want anyone to come along and ruin her serenity. Ah well, she'd taken the risk and now she had to deal with whatever the consequences may be. Finally she moved back to the ledge, next to Morrison, she did not bother to speak. Hell, she didn't know what to say to him.

[Morrison Whelan]

While Nessa was lost in her head, Morrison found himself drifting into his own little world. After a minute or so, staring calmly out at the landscape below and around, his eyes started to blur a bit, no longer focusing on seeing as his mind was pulling his attention. This place did seem to be doing just as the woman had said and he was beginning to think a bit clearer, to reason things out. At first, all he thought of was what daily, everyday sort of things that he needed to get done, especially those most important for insuring that Iivan was comfortable back home, such as mending the window, cleaning all of the bedding, laundry, groceries… Slowly, this to-do list was forgotten and instead his mind turned toward his friend’s actual condition and how well he’d be able to accomplish things on his own, most importantly hunting. Without his actual nose, it would be difficult to transform, even hazardous, perhaps he would just have to avoid it for a month or two. Which he supposed would be fine with the wolf, seeing as he didn’t do so too often anyway, Morrison was twice as frequent in adopting his wolf form, which he did only once every two weeks or so.

By this time, his hand had crept into his jacket pocket, the one that was currently holding Meadhbh’s dog tags, and he had coiled the chain around his fingers. Yet, this was not what was on his mind; it was the metal pressing against his chest that had drawn his attention. Since his encounter with Sebastian, he hadn’t taken the pendant off except to clean it, though was not sure as to why he had become so attached to it. When he’d given the necklace to Cassidy it had been for her protection, in a way like an engagement ring but with less meaning and commitment behind it. To him, that sentiment of the item had been lost over the decades, so now it was merely a reminder of an old life and of his ‘new’ son. Perhaps he could try to make amends with the man, somehow, there just didn’t seem to be any way to do so. How could you undo 170 years of ‘neglect’ and calm that sea of hatred that had been boiling in Seb’s heart all that time? Morrison couldn’t imagine that it was even possible.

The movement of Nessa turning away from him pulled the wolf back to reality and he blinked softly, glancing over at the woman as she walked away before gazing right back out at the buildings surrounding them. Usually, he had quite a fear of heights and avoided being so high up or standing near ledges that had five story drops. But he was perfectly fine up here, even though his head had cleared enough now so that he remembered his altophobia, he could continue to look around and enjoy what he saw without feeling anxious or dizzy. Really, it was a wonderful place Nes had up here, he might just have to come back, assuming that she’d let him.

As though reading his mind, the human spoke from behind him. “As long as you don't show anyone, feel free to use this spot, if you want." A vacant half smile crossed Morrison’s lips at this and he nodded slowly in agreement, gazing transfixed at a window in one building where he could barely make out someone moving inside the room beyond the glass as he tried to figure out exactly what they were doing. After a few minutes, he gave up attempting to find any sense in the blob of a person’s actions and noticed that Nessa had moved back beside him. He looked at her sideways, still smiling softly, then pulled his hand out of his pocket, still holding the tags, and curled that arm about the woman’s middle, pulling her into a brief side hug, thanking her silently for taking him up here. His arm soon dropped back to his hip and he looked back at the landscape, taking a deep breath as his senses started to right themselves and the drugs lost their power. “So,” he sighed, speaking for the first time in what felt like a long time, “hacker slash werewolf hunter; interesting job choice.” His tone was calm as before, a bit flat even, and the only thing that showed his slight confusion or perhaps, distaste, over this was the smallest crease of a frown in his brow.

[Nessarose Allens]

The silence was not exactly uncomfortable, but it was not comfortable either. It was tense and at every moment that she was not wrapped up in her own head she was waiting for the tension to snap. Both of them knew that objects and people tended to be injured when they were in an enclosed area together. It wasn't that they were in a hate relationship (although both of them felt some slight anger toward the other) it was the fact that they were exactly the same which caused the confrontation between them. They were both stubborn and neither would admit defeat until such a thing was inevitable. Because of this, her body was relaxed but her mind was not completely relaxed. She could see he was taking her advice and clearing her head, but it would end soon, as all things did.

Unexpectedly, he pulled her into a brief hug, a thanks. For Nessa to be concerned about anybody was a strange occurrence, but for her to be thanked for that was simply unheard of. It was more the type of thing that went unnoticed and unacknowledged. She didn't mind it that way, preferred it even. Once she was released from the hug she held his eyes for a moment, basically saying 'no problem' without words and then glancing back out over the buildings. This friendship was obviously unhealthy for them both, if there was a God she would curse him for constantly throwing these two together, it was almost like he/she did it for sheer fun.

As soon as he started speaking she felt her body tense, and intuition told her that this tension was very close to snapping. His mention of her job title caused a small smirk, although it was more a grimace than anything else. With a small sigh she hazarded a glance toward him, noticing the frown on his forehead, she dropped her eyes from him again. "Do you expect me to apologise for that? For surviving. I did what i had to." Although, the last part was not exactly true, she did what she wanted to do, she was taking her revenge for what had happened to Jason and her mother. Nes never gave herself a chance to think about the wolves she killed, or the wolves she organised to be killed, as far as she was concerned they were unnatural, inhumane. And they were monsters, it had been proven to her on many occasions. "It's alright for you though, isn't it? Your wolf assassins and government offices? As long as you have the ability to rip the protesters to shreds, who cares?" She knew that she was being unfair, Morrison wasn't who she referred to when she said 'you', it was wolves in general.

It said alot that she did not simply walk away right now, she would not apologise for her occupation but she knew he would be angry. Feeling that she had betrayed him in some small way, to think that they could have avoided this awkward situation i she had simply stayed sober for a while. She sighed. How was she to proceed?

[Morrison Whelan]

Morrison suddenly wished that he hadn’t those few words leave his lips, he should have mentioned finding his son, or even something about Iivan. But now that they were on the topic, he knew that it couldn’t easily be left alone and steered away from, especially as he felt a little blossom of anger in his stomach as Nessa spoke. "Do you expect me to apologise for that? For surviving. I did what I had to." The wolf simply shook his head in response.

No, he didn’t want her to apologise for what she did, but he could sense that there was a speck of a lie in what she said. To survive did not mean becoming the enemy of the thing that you most feared, in fact it was quite the opposite, that was the reason the predominately wolf-run government cooperated with the vampires, so that it any uprisings against them would be small and easily squashed. Hell, Morrison even had to deal with the damn leeches and be civil about it, despite his recently developed hatred of the creatures. To him, it was far too obvious that Nes was doing this for revenge, however convoluted and roundabout that revenge would be. He supposed he had to forgive her distorted world view though; she was only human and not even 30 at that.

"It's alright for you though, isn't it? Your wolf assassins and government offices? As long as you have the ability to rip the protesters to shreds, who cares?" By now, that slight smile on the wolf’s lips had slipped away, replaced by a thin frown. “I’m sorry you think that way,” was all he replied with. With a sigh, he glanced down, over the ledge of the building, and all of a sudden, vertigo gripped him. Quickly, as if startled, he stepped back and to the middle of the roof top then sat down. His nervousness of heights seemed to come back with his anger and so being so far off the ground, even with such a beautiful scene around them, was not helping in the slightest. If he could manage to get his anger under control somehow then he would feel better and he wouldn’t have such an urge to throw up. Sure, he would like to continue this conversation, it needed to be had sometime anyway, but right here was not the right place. Perhaps if they were together in some padded room, where the both of them were in straight jackets, then it would be safe…

Hilarious image really, though a bit pathetic that the two of them were so volatile toward each other that those sort of precautions might actually be necessary at some point. Morrison let out a quiet, yet bitter laugh at this and turned his eyes up to the slightly cloudy sky. It was going to rain in a few hours, surprise, surprise. At least it would give him an excuse to stay in and drink a little, watch some movies. Slowly, his mind still wandering, he turned his eyes down back straight to look at Nes’ back. The silence was sure to get to her before long, so it was time to bring up a new topic, something that wouldn’t get either of them enraged. “I met my son a few days ago,” the wolf said this in a slightly louder-than-usual voice so that it would draw the woman’s attention. One would think that this subject would get him all riled up, but he was more confused over the whole situation, it might help to talk it out.

[Nessarose Allens]

The silence was overwhelming, it was like a blunt object that was slowly being used to beat her to death. And she was letting it happen. Her mind churned and she clenched her hands into fists, digging her nails into her palms to keep her head clear, though not enough to draw blood. The bonus of drugs was that they dulled her emotions, producing the effect of feeling everything as if it was secondhand. She didn't like the fact that everything at the moment was so fresh and real, oh yes she would try being sober for a while, but she knew she would fail. She couldn't cope with this.

His words gave her nothing to respond to and so, as he moved backwards and sat down behind her, she simply stood at the ledge and watched the world, trying to focus on something that was not nothing. Nes couldn't deal with this silence, she was bound to snap sooner or later. It was almost as if Morrison was reading her mind, or her emotions, because he suddenly broke the silence with a topic that she was incredibly unprepared for. Her back went rigid with shock and she took a deep breath before slowly turning around to look at him. Their eyes met for a brief second before she dropped her gaze. He had a son? Since when? He'd never mentioned it, not that he was obligated to mention his relations, nor were they on that sort of terms. Were they?

Slowly, as if compelled by the confusion in his voice, she drifted towards him. Her anger had disappeared, just as he knew it would. She sat down in front of him and tilted her head ever so slightly to the side. "You don't sound happy about that. What's he like?" Yes, she was stating the obvious, but it was more prompting him. Most people would be happy to see their children, wouldn't they? Nes wouldn't know, she never intended to have children. For a coupled of moments she watched him, considering to herself why they were up here. It was these moments, and not the ones where they were at each others throats, that prevented her from having him killed. He was her friend, in a weird, messed-up sort of way. They'd each saved the other and that wasn't the sort of thing you were inclined to forget.

Nes was interested now, she was trying to imagine what a young Morrison would look like. Were they exactly the same? How old was he? Did they look the same? So, instead of asking any of those she came up with an easier question. "Where did you meet him?"